letter<|3

.it was a time when all was wrong. a time when no laughter was heard, ony tears shed. a time joy was forgotten and mourning reigned.

.it was the time i met you.

.and a wonderful rainbow burst out from the heavens then on. the birds were singing their wondrous hymns. the trees were dancing their graceful sways and the lilies were blooming to their perfection.

.and i, i was living in my own happy world, blinded by your empty promises and beautiful lies. i never had a chance, i realize now. i would've fell for you still, even if i had the knowledge of your true nature, that you are the monster everyone, except me, could see.

.you are good, i give you that. to have hidden behind those pretty words and to still pierce through the barrier i have carefulyy made around my heart. although, your being good s an irony. for you are good at being devious.

.i should've known this would never last. that all this is just a fleeting dream. and when i wake up from my peaceful slumber, i shall be back to my gray reality. i will live as i ues too, though emptier. my eyes shall not ever sparkle just as before. and my heart shall fall to pieces on the cold floor. i should've known that you will leave, never even meant to stay.

.i guess i was too naive, to have even believed you cared. to blind, to have not seen what you truly are. too much of a dreamer, to have wished that you will stay. i guess i fell too hard that i couldn't even stand up again.

.that, i say now, is my fault entirely.

.for me to have been a hopeless romantic was, and never will be, your fault.

.i write this letter in the hopes of giving it to you, dear sir, but i know deep inside of me that you will not read this. i am much a coward not to mail it to you, but still, i shall write it anyway, dreaming that you are reading this and we shall live happily after.

.you are many things, mostly much too rude to write down now, but even if that is the unfortunate case, dear sir, i still want dearly to say, even if for the last of times...

...that i still, and forever will, deeply love you...

a hopeless plea 2 d man hu wudn't care...

september 08, 2009

12:00 nn

.i am sitting at my desk, writing this damned letter i know you will never read. this is just my way of controlling the turmoil inside of me.

. just a while ago, you were beside me and that made happy though you can not see this for i try to hide it. you lay your head on your desk and looked at her, your eyes all hazy and dreamy. that hurt,too, though you can not see this for i try my hardest to hide it.

.it was as if you jammed a knife and twisted it into my heart, as if you pushed me from a cliff, as if you shot a bullet through my head. the burning pain seeping through my veins, engulfing me in my grievous inferno.

.i am blinded with the tears that threaten to fall. and in the end, it flows freely down my cheeks nd it wouldn't stop. it will only stop when my heart stops beating and i have breathed my las breath.

.when i first saw you, i thought you were my prince charming but then i should've known better. princes and happily ever afters don't exist.

.i thought you were my safe haven in this chaos but i thought wrong, you are just a mirage i imagined in this freakin hell.

.i hoped your smile was the key that will open the lock on my happiness but you are just that, another lock.

.help me move on.

.help me keep going.

.make me walk forward and never look back.

.but i know that's impossible 'coz you just don't care.

.if i were to kill myself crying for you or lose my insanity for any hope that you'll see me the way i see you, you still wouldn't help 'coz you just wouldn't care.

<3

a message...

.i was lying down on my bed, curled up in a little ball, hugging my pillow while i listened to the angry rain pour down outside my window this morning.

.i stood up, went to my bathroom to wash my face annd went out to the dining room in my pajamas. i sat down and ate my favourite breakfast, chicken nuggets and egg, though i didn't taste it.

.and now i'm back on my bed, curled up in that same little ball, still hugging my pillow though the rain has stopped long ago.

.now, a new storm is quietly forming inside me and my heart can't contain it any longer. i let the tears fall and hope that after the storm, a rainbow would come out.

.the tears have stopped and my eyes are all puffy and red, my breath uneven and i'm still hugging my pillow, though tighter.

.i couldn't get up.

.my strength fails me.

.i look horrible.

.my hair looks like a wild forest, my eyes are red, my cheeks are tearstained and my pajamas are wet.

.why am i like this, you ask?

.let's see.

.who is the person that even though i try not to think of him, i still do? who is that someone who broke my heart with a word and a smile? who is that someone who made me hurt as much as i am hrting right now?.

.wait!.

.isn't that someone you???.

.yes, it's you...the reason for my tears and pain.

.but, ironically, if the tears and the pain are the only things that could keep me beside you, i'd rather cry and hurt forever.

GM's of a broken heart

.hey guys.

.dis past few days i knw u hav receivd a lot of gm's & i just want to share it sa mga pards nating wla me cell number.XD.

.share ur blessings, share ur pain, guys.

.i never thought i'd ever talk to you, never blvd it posbl dat i cud fall 4 u even.mayb i watchd 2 many soap operas, heard 2 many luv sngs, wshd 2 many wshes & dreamd 2 many dreams when i thought u'l b der to catch me when i fell.i guess der's nothin i cud do but stand up once again even though it hurts n walk on as if nothin happened.

.i'm a fool for blvn dat you'll learn to love me back.i dreamed that you'll see me the way that i see you when i should've known better, that dreams are just for foolish people who have nothing to do at night.i wished that you would stay by my side forever when i knew wishes just don't come true.i hoped that you'll leave her but i guess hope wasn't of much help.in other words, i'm just a fool who foolishly believed in you.

.i had a dream that we were happy, i had a dream that we were glad, i had a dream that we were friends, i had a dream we weren't mad.but then again it's just a dream and a dream it will remain, but still i'll dream and dream you'll love me, though i know i dream in vain.

.as i look out my window and see the rain drop from the heavens, i remember the day when i asked you if you love me and you replied with a curt "no.", i just laughed and said "no biggie.i was joking anyway."but what you didn't know is that like the raindrops today, a billion tears were shed because of those two mere letters that form that damned word... NO.

.here i am at kenny rogers, a plate of mouthwatering chicken in front of me, and for the first time i didn't feel hungry.i take my first bite and i can''t taste the chicken.why is that, you ask???because all i could think about is the what ifs i'll forever ask myself.what if you loved me and not her, would we live happily ever after?what if you cared, would it last forever? i guess it'll remain a what if and only a what if it will be.

.do you know what my fave stall in the mall is??? it's the candy stalls because of al the beautiful and happy colors.n when i see it i could imagine myself as a 2year old happily eating my pink lollipop.and when my mom calls me back to reality, i turn once more to the 14year old that's bleeding from a broken heart.

.i ate ice cream in hopes that i'll feel better.and yes, it did its job.i got a few minutes of pure joy just savouring my ice cream.but when i finished my last bite,here it goes again.the pain sunk in as if you jammed a knife unto my heart.the ice cream couldn't do anything,only you can.and i know you wouldn't do anything to help me 'coz you just don't care.

.that's that, guys.

.my blog for today.

.n my longest blog so far. XD

.breaking the golden rule.

.wat to do.

.wat to do.

.today is saturday, it's a boring day!.

.you, what are you going to do today???.

.me, i just fed my virtual fish.

.i'll be sucking blood from innocent victims.

.i'll be swimming later(wow! big surprise! NOT!)

.i'll be typing away and away and away.

.ketchup told me yesterday, or was it the other day???, basta, ketchup told me that there was a GOLDEN RULE to blogging.

.it was that bloggers need to blog their blog posts in english. XD

.she was reprimanding chili for blogging in Filipino, said it was quote-n-quote "NAKAKAINIS BASAHIN, SOBRA!". hahaha. i think chili was somewhat hurt, though. she did break the GOLDEN RULE. XD

.it's alright chili. make taglish taglish na lang. feel conyo. :P

.put "like"'s in every start and middle. i'll teach you, coz i hav mastered that a long time ago.

.like, when i was in, what?, grade 4? and like, when i was soo cute back then pa nun, you know... XD

.that's an example of the napaka kadiring conyo talk.

.eew.

.ang landi, mga pards.

.though syempre, if it's ketchup talking like that, i'll always love it!! (hahaha. ang plastic!)

.heh.sometime's it's healthy to break some rules.... SOMETIMES and SOME!!! wak lagi at wak lahat! XD

.this is adobo, who was and still is adoboliciously adobo yummy, signing out!.

XD

.pssh.

.fourth na to mga kabarkads.

.i just finished swimming and do you know what i saw sa seton???. shooting ng gma. sabi ni ate guard for spoiled brat raw. Ogie alcasid, michael v, jomari,aiko,roxanne were there raw. unfortunately, i didn't see them. They were hiding from me coz they know beside me they can't act. (kapal!! XD).

.kapagod ng swimming as always. and only two of us swam. me and bryle. so lonely. at least i had someone swimming with me kanina.tomorrow i am going to valle verde with my fellow mer-friends... we are going to swim. wish us luck!.

3 in one day

.this is my third post for today and i still am not satisfied. it's is a very boring day, i repeat, a very boring day.

.i am in our entertainment room, sitting on our sofa, writing this post and reading cherry juice.but i am not satisfied.i just ate lunch. nilaga. it's hot outside too. i am wearing a guns and roses tshirt and skyblue shorts. oh, fudge!. why am being so random???!!!. grr.

.maybe coz' he doesn't txt me. maybe coz i miss him so much already. maybe coz i know i'm not the one he likes and i just can't grasp it. maybe coz i just couldn't let him go. maybe coz i can't live a day without thinkin about him. or maybe coz i just don't know what to do anymore.

.FUDGE! FUDGE! FUDGE!.

.i can't help it. i can so not help liking him. maybe you should help me out guys. like i don't know, make me forget about him. yah, that'll help. say stupid stuff about him. what the heck?!

.i'm being stupid and crazy.

.maybe i should go to sleep. maybe i'm just tired. i hate being so melo-dramatic, it creeps me out.